


Yeah, I've Been Burning Up Since You Left

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Malec One Shots [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 11:48:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: Three years after Magnus up and leaves one day, he comes back, and has to fix what he has broken.





	Yeah, I've Been Burning Up Since You Left

**Author's Note:**

> Accidentally put this under Not-Quite-A-Warlock, this fic is NOT in that series. 
> 
> Okay, so this was supposed to be an angry break up fic, and it started so fucking well, and then all Malec wanted to do was make up, and I went with it?! I'm still not happy with this, because there's SO much in this that I want to expand on. So I'm posting this with the warning that it may be taken down and changed, or I may just throw it into a series. Don't know yet and it's like midnight and I have work tomorrow so I can't be bothered figuring it out right now. 
> 
> Additionally, I've stolen Floki from Vikings and made him a Warlock, he's only mentioned in this story and doesn't actually make an appearance but *shrugs*. Also, gods exist in this universe, they just don't interfere with the running of the earth unless it is to fuck with each other, or to ensure the actual planet itself continues existing...

_Funny how time goes by,_  
_Had respect for myself,_  
_That river ran dry._  
_You reached a limit,_  
_I wasn't enough,_  
_It's like the fire replaced all the love._  
~Burning, Sam Smith

* * *

It’s been three years since they last saw each other, the mess with the Soul Sword, and Valentine, Lilith and Edom, the two months they shared together, loving and caring for each other between the instances of the world ending, it all seems like memories from someone else’s life to Alec, now. He’s tried to pinpoint what exactly destroyed it, destroyed _them_ but he can’t seem to figure it out. He knows it has something to do with Magnus’ magic, knows it deep down in his heart, but what exactly about the situation was the straw that broke their backs, he doesn’t know.

So, three years on, he gets ready for yet another Cabinet meeting, steels himself to see Lorenzo sitting in the chair that was created with Magnus’ name on it, as he always must. Because for some reason, his heart keeps forgetting, and every time he sees Lorenzo sitting in the chair he arranged for Magnus, it is like his heart gets broken all over again.

* * *

He’s so busy steeling himself, putting up his walls that he doesn’t even notice the newcomer in the High Warlock seat, their back to him, until he’s halfway across the room. He comes to a sudden stop, staring at this newcomer, it is not Lorenzo, but whoever it is, Maia and Raphael seem incredibly pleased to see them. Raphael poking at the newcomer’s hair with a perplexed expression on his face, Maia laughing and shoving at Raphael’s shoulder.

“Leave him alone, he looks good. Feisty.” Maia says, a smile on her face so warm it almost fills up that cold pit in Alec’s chest, almost but Alec knows there’s only one person who will ever fill that pit.

“I hate it.” Raphael mutters, still prodding at the intricate braiding.

“Well, it’s not your hair.” Maia replies, tugging Raphael away. “C’mon, sit down, Alec will be here soon.” She says, shoving Raphael into his chair, the vampire leader turns to glare at her, but there is a fondness in his smile, and Maia just beams at him as she sits down.

“Thank you, Maia. I’d forgotten how much of a snob Raphael could be.” The newcomer speaks, and suddenly Alec knows exactly who they are. Doesn’t even need the pain that blossoms in his chest to remind him, doesn’t need the longing that has been reaching helplessly for three years, because here is the object of his desire. Alec takes a very deep breath in, sets his shoulders and does his duty, crossing the rest of the room, a polite smile on his face.

“Maia, Raphael.” He greets with an incline of his head, then he glances at Magnus, and his resolve almost crumbles. He doesn’t know _this_ Magnus, this Magnus who has long, braided hair with flecks of red and gold among the dark locks. This Magnus who has decorative war paint swirling around his eyes like an intricate half mask at a Masquerade in red, gold, and jet black, the colours bringing out the gold of his un-glamoured eyes. This Magnus who is dressed like he’s ready for battle, where _his_ Magnus always dressed like he had wonderful places to go and people to see. “Magnus Bane.” He says, the difference between _his_ Magnus and _this_ Magnus almost makes it easier to be distant, almost. “Where is Lorenzo Rey?”

“Dearest Lorenzo has decided to return to his pursuits of the high magical arts.” Magnus replies, drumming his hands on the table. “In his absence, the Warlocks of Brooklyn have decided to re-elect me as High Warlock.”

“You have your magic back, then?” Alec asks, raising an eyebrow, the smile Magnus gives him is vicious, made even more so by the war paint.

“Yes, of course, I wouldn’t waste everyone’s time like that. Now let’s get this over with, shall we? I have things to be getting on with.”

“Right.” Alec says, and so begins the tensest cabinet meeting in three years.

* * *

At the end of the cabinet meeting, Alec asks Magnus to stay behind, because he is a fool, he is a glutton for punishment, because he doesn’t understand what happened and he wants to.

“Oh, very well.” Magnus replies, and allows Alec to lead him from the Cabinet room, down the corridors to Alec’s office, Magnus shuts the door behind them and raises an eyebrow as Alec retreats across the room. “What did you want to discuss?”

“I wanted to know why you left.” Alec says, and watches as Magnus doesn’t even react, not even the slightest bit.

“It was time.” Magnus replies, crossing the room to drape himself across the chair in front of Alec’s desk, Alec wonders exactly how, because that chair is the most uncomfortable thing in the world, and he’s been meaning to get rid of it since he claimed this office… three years ago.

“It was… time?” Alec asks, tries to swallow the hurt he feels at the words. “It was just… time?”

“Yes, I needed to get my magic back, and you kept looking at me like there was something missing. So, it was just time. Time to leave, time to move on, time to get my magic back, time to heal. It was just time.” Magnus says, like it explains everything, it explains nothing.

“That makes no sense. I loved you.” _Still love you._

“And I loved you.” Magnus replies, looking straight at Alec with his piercing golden eyes. “But I felt like it wasn’t enough for you.”

“Of course, it was enough for me, it was _everything_ to me.” Alec retorts, feeling like his heart is bleeding in his chest. He looks Magnus over again, frowning at all the difference. “And what the hell happened to you, anyway?”

“Oh, well it was time to reinvent myself.” Magnus replies, his lips twitching. “Floki’s methods are… out there, but they’ve never failed me yet.”

“Who?”

“The High Warlock of Norway.” Magnus replies, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, Alexander, if you haven’t even taken the time to read up on the leaders of the rest of the Downworld nation, I can’t understand how your Cabinet is still working.” The words are like a knife, Alec’s been so focussed with New York, he hasn’t even bothered to see how things are going between the Clave and the rest of the Downworld.

“New York is my priority.” Alec says, and it’s a weak defence, but it is his only defence, and it is the truth. “Why did you come back?”

“It was time.” Magnus replies, simple, non-confrontational, a statement, but Alec takes it like a challenge anyway, feels the anger rising within him.

“Did you actually love me? Or was it a game for you the entire damn time?” he asks, notes the flash of hurt that appears in Magnus’ eyes and is gone the next second.

“Of course, I loved you! You think I’d give my magic away for just anyone?” Magnus snaps at him, the room beginning to shake as Magnus magic becomes visible around him. Magnus glances around him, and throws his arm out, a portal forming. “I will see you for the next meeting.” Magnus says, his voice shaking with barely held control, then he steps through the portal and is gone. Alec stares at the spot he’d been occupying, his mind and his heart in turmoil.

* * *

He doesn’t see Magnus again for two weeks, and then when they meet, it is along the beach, they’re both idly meandering through the sand of the Warded part of the beach. When they see each other, Magnus throws his hand out, ready to portal himself away but Alec can’t bear the thought of seeing Magnus run from him again.

“Wait.” Alec calls, running up to stand in front of him, still giving him space to retreat. “I made a vow when you left, that if I ever got the chance I’d tell you everything you meant to me, and Magnus, I intend to fulfil that vow.” Alec tells him, swallowing thickly when he catches the fear that flickers in Magnus’ golden eyes. “I lo-“

“Stop. Don’t tell me.” Magnus says, backing up a step. “That was… three years ago, Alexander. You can’t know me anymore.”

“No matter how many times you reinvent yourself, no matter what you get up to when I am not by your side, I will _always love_ you. I don’t need to know you, this new you, to know that. Because I loved the old you, and I loved every other old you I’ve ever heard about from your stories or stories the others tell. And this?” Alec says, waving his hand at Magnus’ clothes, his hair, his paint, “This is just the wrappings, because inside your heart, you’re still the Magnus that I fell in love with, the Magnus that I _still_ love. I tried, Magnus, I tried to rip you out of me, but it didn’t work. Nothing I tried would work.”

“Ale-“

“There were days I’d make the trek to your loft to speak with you, to sit on your couch and spend time with you, to drink those disgustingly alcoholic martinis you love so much, but every time I got there, I’d remember you didn’t live there anymore, and I’d feel like the ground could just open up beneath me and swallow me whole, and I wouldn’t care.”

“Alexander.” Magnus whispers, reaching out to grab Alec’s wrist. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. The truth is, I don’t know why I left, not really. I just woke up one morning and realized I couldn’t stay. I don’t know why, I just, I just felt like I had to get out. Like it was the most important thing I’d ever do, and I had to do it right then, or terrible things would happen. I was so _scared_.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know.” Magnus answers, closing his eyes. “I don’t know, and by the time I realized I’d made a mistake, I was already going through the ritual with Floki and it was too late to pull back.”

“What ritual? What did you do?” Alec asks, grabbing Magnus’ arm and holding on so, so tightly.

“I offered my body to the gods.” Magnus tells him, takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. “In return, they would give me back my magic when their tasks were done.”

“What tasks? What do you mean you offered up your body? Magnus, what?” Alec asks, the fear and panic clear in his voice.

“I don’t know what I’ve been doing these last three years, Alexander. I woke up on the floor of my loft two months ago, and my magic was back, and chaotic. I’ve tried to remember these last three years, but I can’t. Because I wasn’t _here,_ one of the gods was here, running around in my body, getting up to mischief, and I don’t know what they did. Don’t know what enemies they made that will come for me. And this?” he says, indicating all the changes to him. “This is the lingering magic, Alexander, I can still feel _them_ in here, their magic, but I can feel it fading, can feel myself flooding back in, awakening, but it’s… I didn’t remember I _love_ you until I saw you just now _._ ”

“What?”

“My mind is in shambles, Alexander. I can barely keep a coherent thought, but from the moment I saw you at the meeting, you’ve featured in every single one of them coherent or not. I don’t know what to do.”

“Let me help.”

“How? I gave my body to a _god._ My consciousness has been locked inside a cage for the last three years, how are you going to help me fix that?” Magnus asks, giving a hysteric little laugh. “No, it’ll sort itself out in time, it always does.”

“You-you’ve done this before?” Alec asks, can’t even fathom the idea of doing it once, let alone multiple times.

“Yes, of course. The higher magical arts occasionally demand the favour of a god, and the only way to gain said favour is to offer your body to the cause.” Magnus answers, shrugging his shoulders. “This will be… uhm, the fifth time, now I think?”

“Magnus!”

“I _need_ my magic, Alec!” Magnus snaps, pulling away. “I’m vulnerable without it, I didn’t realize how much until I didn’t have it. Until you were dying right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything. Until I thought about any one of my enemies coming for me, and my being totally defenseless. They would’ve destroyed me as easy as taking candy from a baby. Every time I thought about it, my blood ran cold and I couldn’t _breathe._ ”

“I would have-“

“You wouldn’t have had a choice! It would’ve been Downworlder business, the Clave would have had no place in it, and you would have destroyed everything you’d accomplished if you’d tried.”

“But-“

“Even without my magic, I was still a Warlock.” Magnus explains, turning to take Alec’s hands in his own. “The way your mother is still a Shadowhunter without her runes, I’m still a Warlock without my magic. There’s no difference.”

“Clave business or not, you were my boyfriend, it would have been my business, and I would have had a _real_ fucking problem with anyone coming for you.” Alec stats, voice dark as he squeezes Magnus’s hands.

“Oh.” Magnus breathes, as if he’s never even thought it possible that Alec would defend him, even though Alec has done little else since they’ve known each other.

“Can we agree to try again? And this time, if something is bothering one of us, we’ll tell the other? Can we be… honest and open about everything that troubles us?” Alec asks, putting his heart on the line again, but he’s already all in, has been since he kissed Magnus at his wedding instead of Lydia. Shadowhunters love just once, fiercely.

“How can you want me back?” Magnus questions, sounding so lost and confused. “I left you, up and abandoned you, and you just-“

“Magnus, I love you. Yeah, I’m still angry that you just up and left, but you have your reasons, and I’m sure in time I’ll come to understand them. I’ve done stupid things, and you’ve forgiven me for them in the past. Okay, no, my stupid decisions didn’t lead to three years of heartbreak for one of us, and the loss of three years for the other, but I don’t care. You’re here now, and I’m not letting you leave again unless it’s what you want.”

“No.” Magnus whispers, closing the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Alec’s waist, and resting his head against Alec’s chest. “No, I want to stay.”

“Then stay. Also, is your war paint going to get on my shirt because I don’t have another one on me and-“ Magnus starts laughing, snuggles in tighter as Alec’s arms close around him.

“It’s magical war paint, Alexander, of course it’s not going to get on your shirt.” Magnus tells him, amusement in his voice. “D-do you want to go back to the loft?”

“Yes.” Alec answers without hesitation, “We can sit on your couch and you can make those stupidly alcoholic drinks you love so much.”

“As you wish.” Magnus breathes, holding his arm out behind Alec, a portal forming, and he carefully guides them to it. “I’ll never leave again.”

“All I ask is that you love me.” Alec tells him, as they step through the portal.

It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

* * *

  _Oh, if you ever called,_  
_I would run straight back._  
_Give you my forgiveness,_  
_And the shirt off my back._  
~Burning, Sam Smith

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I need to stop making new playlists, because I've found like at least five songs that would be perfect for Malec Break Up fics and I'm here like 'please no'. On the same note, so many of Sam Smith's songs are like... so perfect for Malec?!?!?


End file.
